明天, 今天, 昨天（ghostneuron）

A dream of death

William Butler Yeats
1891

I dreamed that one had died in a strange place
Near no accustomed hand;
And they had nailed the boards above her face,
The peasants of that land,
Wondering to lay her in that solitude,
And raised above her mound
A cross they had made out of two bits of wood,
And planted cypress round;
And left her to the indifferent stars above
Until I carved these words:
She was more beautiful than thy first love,
But now lies under boards.

死亡之梦 (by G)

 
我梦见有人客死异乡
魂去孤零零
棺板钉住陌生的面孔
农夫心怦怦
冥冥葬她于孤寂
一抔坟茔
捡两块木头做成十字架
种上柏树丛丛
再弃她于冷漠的星空
直到我刻下这样的墓志铭：
她美过你的初恋，
现在却葬身地下。

死亡之梦 (by V)

我梦到人死于异乡
无有熟悉者在身畔
那些农民来自地方
将棺木钉贴近她面
想把她孤零零埋葬
在坟上插两块木片
来做成十字架形状
周围种柏树来陪伴
遗她在冷漠的星光
直到我来铭刻于棺：
她比你初恋更辉煌
此刻却躺身在木板

He wishes his beloved were dead

William Butler Yeats

Were you but lying cold and dead,
And lights were paling out of the West,
You would come hither, and bend your head,
And I would lay my head on your breasts;
And you would murmur tender words,
Forgiving me, because you were dead:
Nor would you rise and hasten away,
Though you have the will of the wild birds,
But know your hair was bound and wound
About the stars and moon and sun:
O would, beloved, that you lay
Under the dock-leaves in the ground,
While lights were paling one by one.

他宁愿他的爱人死去 (by G)

 
是你吗，冰冷地躺着，死去
西方的微光渐渐黯淡
你悄然来到，低下脸
我把头枕在你的胸前
你对我温语绵绵
原谅我，因为你已经死了：
你也不会起身匆匆离去
尽管你有野鸟的不羁之心
你知道你的发丝却纠结缠绕
在星星，月亮和太阳之间：
我宁愿，亲爱的你躺在
钝叶覆盖的地下
看着它们一个接一个的黯淡

他宁愿他地爱人已死 (by V)

当你躺倒在冷寂与死灭
灯火从西方渐黯淡
你于是前来，垂下脑袋
我将头枕上你的胸前
你于是低语出温柔的词句
说原谅我，因你已死去
你并且不再起身着急离开
哪怕你如野鸟般无拘无束
可是知道你发丝将纠缠缠绕
在星星月亮和太阳之间
哦！亲爱的，你可是会
沉低于地底，在舢叶之间
当灯火一个接一个地暗灭

In the UK and Ireland, dock leaves are a traditional remedy for the sting of nettles and one that is surprisingly widely known, perhaps due to the abundance of nettles and the fact that Rumex plants often live nearby in the same sorts of habitat.

The stinging nettle (Urtica dioica) is a herbaceous flowering plant, also known in the United States as "7-minute-itch", native to Europe, Asia, northern Africa, and North America, and is the best known member of the nettle genus Urtica. This species have spiny hairs, or stinging trichomes, whose tips come off when touched, transforming the hair into a needle that will inject a cocktail of poisons: acetylcholine, histamine, 5-HT and possibly formic acid. This mix of poisons cause a sting or paresthesia from which the species derives its common name.

黄的叶子漫天舞
黄的叶子脚下滑
黄的灯
黄的花
黄的伞
黄的Au Bon Pain
黄的咖啡
黄的光晕
黄的心
裹上厚皮的行人
笨拙，臃肿
这里的女人啊
也是那么硬朗，听那笑声
想念你温润的嘴，
惆怅的眼睛
丁香一样的味道

Dear dear, I feel bad for my laziness on blog, almost one week la, I am still in the mood of counting down…and you back to work, I back to work, that’s still harmornious, we share our ideas and dreams….i love your writing about LC, hope you can finish a book with this topic…..And love your salad, I ‘ll try it tomorrow…

I went to a seminar on dyslexia today, and one talk by a professor (Ken Pugh) from Yale is very good,  they found there is biological change in the langusage center in the brain of people who has reading difficulty. And brain is something you use it or lose it during early development, especially for human langusage which is mainly in left half brain, and the activity in both half is diffuse in people have reading difficulty. They are continue to look at the biological basic of the phenotype, like chemical molecule gene level studies…some special words: orthography, phonology, sinmatics…

Dear dear, love you and kone you love me. we are a happy pair…I know you have checked my blog for 6 times..hehe… 

1..0.5…

Little Lovely, I’m counting down, 2, 1…..

British writer Doris Lessing won Nobel Prize on literature this year. cited from the biography of the writer:

"Doris Lessing made her debut as a novelist with The Grass is Singing (1950), which examines the relationship between a white farmer’s wife and her black servant. The book is both a tragedy based in love-hatred and a study of unbridgeable racial conflicts."

"The Golden Notebook (1962) was Doris Lessing’s real breakthrough. The burgeoning feminist movement saw it as a pioneering work and it belongs to the handful of books that informed the 20^th-century view of the male-female relationship. It used a more complex narrative technique to reveal how political and emotion conflicts are intertwined. The style levels of differing documents and experiences mix: newspaper cuttings, news items, films, dreams and diaries. Anna Wulf, the main character, has five notebooks for her thoughts about Africa, politics and the communist party, her relationship to men and sex, Jungian analysis and dream interpretation. The disjointed form reflects that of the main character’s mind. There is no single perspective from which to capture the entirety of her life experience."

"In the novel series Canopus in Argos: Archives (vol. 1–5, 1979–1984) Lessing expanded the science fiction genre. The series studies the post-atomic war development of the human species. Lessing varies thoughts about colonialism, nuclear war and ecological disaster with observations on the opposition between female and male principles. Among inspirations for the work was the Idries Shah’s school of Sufism that she discovered in the 1960s. Doris Lessing revisited her interest in Sufism in the Time Bites (2004) collection of essays."

Granny Lessing is really a surfer in the human world, she experienced colonialism, communism, rasism, capitalism, and globlization, and she is in science fiction lands, what a modern girl, woman and artist…..But there are only one theme in center, Men-women relationship…….I hope to do some reading later.

This year’s Nobel Prize on Medicine went to stem cell research, they are Mario R. Capecchi, a Howard Hughes Medical Institute investigator at the University of Utah, Martin J. Evans at Cardiff University, and Oliver Smithies at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. <The three were honored for “groundbreaking discoveries concerning embryonic stem cells and DNA recombination in mammals.” Their research has led to the development of powerful gene-targeting techniques that have provided researchers worldwide with the tools to determine the function of individual genes.>

"This technology has allowed scientists to engineer mice with conditions such as cancer, heart disease, Alzheimer’s disease, cystic fibrosis, and high blood pressure—a feat that has revolutionized the study of human disease. Gene targeting allows scientists to manipulate the genetic material of mice with amazing precision to create desired mutations in virtually any gene. By controlling the way a gene’s DNA sequence is modified, researchers can completely disrupt—or “knock out”—the function of a gene or modify its activity. Refinements in the technique over the years now enable scientists to restrict a particular genetic modification so that it affects only certain tissues or occurs only during certain stages of life."

I never heard of these three guys before, though I use the technology now; shame of me, and it’s just a field that too many people are working, which were found during 1980’s, I was still a primary school student, and go into neuroscience later. So not surprise also, but need to know now. That’s really a breakthrough techniques which accelerate all the biological research and applications. Now the genome plan is finished, and all gene knockout could be make in mice, incredible task!  

Genetics always make top news these days, such as:  

Male Body Odor Can Stink Like Urine Or Have A Pleasant Vanilla Smell, Depending On One Gene , in simple words, if I have a smell from my sweat, some can smell it, some cannot smell it; some feel it pleasant while others feel fouly….that’s what natural selection works to make sextual selection. So if you don’t know who is the right one for you, follow your nose, nature or God work for you, that’s also the basic of Chinese "Yuan" I guess.

But also, we have most in common: Pleasant Odors Perceived The Same By Different Cultures ,  in simple words, vanilla is pleasant and preffered by Astians, Americans, Arabes and Jewes. Is it a conflict?   <<"A lot of people think that the perception of pleasantness is totally subjective, and you just learn it. They think that the food preferences you have are part of your upbringing and what your culture eats," said Rehan Khan, a research scientist in the Helen Wills Neuroscience Institute at UC Berkeley. "That is true, but a significant part of what people find to be pleasant and unpleasant turns out to be the same anywhere on the planet and may reflect something about molecules themselves.">>

So smell for sex is a special one that cannot be shared by different cultures or even different peoples in the same group….that’s the result of competetion, which makes sense.  And if this is true, we can make thousands of new molecules that can compete for sex attraction. If you fall in love a girl, usually the smell doesn’t work for men since they are stupor for smells, you get her DNA sample, and run a  genotyping, find out her genes for OR7D4 gene, RT/RT or RT/WM? if RT/WM, you can  make a protein sample from the genes and then try your collection of thousand molecules mimic androsterone, to compare the binding intensities… and select one to make it into perfume and spill it on your body to cover all your other smells, then meet the girl…..That’s a big business in the future and not a fantasy. On the other hand, the girls will use different stratagies to discover men’s cheating tricks……

V: 不是自相矛盾吗？男人负责追逐女人，女人用鼻子从追逐自己的男人当中找出具有自己喜欢味道的出来，当作伴侣？

G:  women and men use different strategy, men have more sperms, he need to spill as more as possible; women have one occyte per month, have to be selective to choose the best one…

基本上是spoiler…

凶猛的狼狗，荷枪实弹的警卫，近镜头逐渐拉远，俯瞰到一个戒备森严的大院；镜头又拉近到院子里的一个华丽小楼里，四个打麻将的女人在房里谈笑，王佳芝出场 了，她是其中最年轻漂亮的一个。这是在日伪特务头子易先生的家里。美妇人的纤手在麻利地码牌，出牌，虽然是脸上满是笑意，也是不经意的市井言谈，但是在低 沉的音乐背景下，加上王佳芝审慎的眼神，已然勾勒出一种紧张的感觉。此时易先生出场了，他谨慎，阴沉，城府极深，与王佳芝的目光接触有短暂的停滞，却是意 味深长。。。几句简短的对话，王佳芝借故离去，似乎两人之间有事情要发生。接着，王佳芝来到一个咖啡屋，她面色苍白，目光警惕，要了杯咖啡后在那里等了片 刻后，去打了个电话，紧张中竟然拨错了号码，然后讲了几句暗语，另一群人躲在一个小屋里听她的电话，一声“行动”嘎然而止。王佳芝此时稍有镇定，凝视着咖 啡杯上留下的朱红唇印，往颈上，腕上慢慢洒了些香水，那唇印似乎象征着什么，预示着什么， 情爱，血腥，宿命？

电影的画面很精致，四十年代的上海，洋房，洋装，洋车，洋人，很是布尔乔亚；色调暗而柔和，联想起最近看的一部西班牙电影Pan’s Labyrinth；有个上海街景像梦境一样，蓝天白云，阳光明媚，白色的洋房，街上是穿时髦服装的行人；人物造型服饰也都跟当年月份牌上的美女一般，她 们尊贵，富丽，举止文雅，讲国语，粤语，沪语，英语，日语；王佳芝多是穿裸臂紧身的碎花旗袍，外面一件米色风衣，头上小沿软布帽，脚下黑丝袜，高跟鞋。

镜头接着摇到四年前的香港几个爱国大学生先是演话剧为抗战募捐，然后组织暗杀团计划暗杀汉奸易先生。王佳芝懵懵懂懂中被拉入伙，全然不是什么爱国 的热情。她聪明能干，情感丰富，凭着和易太太打麻将，逛街的机会接近易先生。她是个极聪慧的，镇定的，没有恐惧心的人，好像外界的事情对她没有什么影响。 也许是她家庭的影响，电影中交待了她父亲离婚再娶，她被迫寄居在姑姑家；也许是战乱年代的生活压力让她看到前途渺茫，电影里还提到了她去英国读书的梦想； 不管怎样她身上都有张爱玲的影子。她有自己的世界，年轻，迷惘，漠然，没有方向。。。

接着镜头摇到三年后的上海，王佳芝被匡玉铭怂恿正式加入了重庆的特务组织，还是在迷惘中入伙。于是她开始色诱易先生，于是他们做爱。两个人似乎都 知道是在演戏，一个谨慎小心，一个警惕敏感；一个忠于日伪的机构，一个忠于重庆的组织。这里的表演非常精彩，细节化，象王佳芝被易先生的司机送到一个别 墅，她用手摸了一下，发现柜子上厚厚的积尘；象在易先生家里，王佳芝装作收拾行李要离开上海的样子；象易先生神出鬼没，不断改变幽会地点，半夜里在书房烧 文件。。。最重要两个人的情欲戏有三段，第一次，易先生像恶狗一样SM王佳芝，表现他阴冷凶狠的一面；接着他被王佳芝的美貌和柔情所软化，第二三次动作也 变得文明起来，两个人都开始迷恋对方，相互进攻肉搏。这大概也是两人真正的心理发泄，因为他们有各自的恐惧和空洞的心，生活因此而有了生机，有了意义。像 在日本餐馆里易先生对时局和自己命运的不祥预感，和王佳芝在给组织汇报时的痛苦的倾述。男人和女人在性爱中搏斗，男人想征服女人（背缚双手），女人也想征 服男人（枕头压头）。两人在互相征服中达到性欲的高潮和压力的释放。这是他们内心的真实表达，所以情场戏是这个电影的高潮，矛盾得以彻底表现。镜头给了各 种角度的细节拍摄，加上柔和的色调，非常的艺术化，最后有一个两人合抱的造型，非常的美，充满男性的力量与女性的柔美的结合，让我联想到古希腊的雕塑，这 原始的生命的动力！

王佳芝为易先生唱了首天涯歌女，让易先生动了真情，流了泪；易先生为王佳芝定做了钻戒，也让她动了真情，泄了密。两人都犯了情报工作的大忌—— “色”，破了情报工作的原则——“戒”。于是故事到此结束了，女人放弃了自己的忠诚而牺牲了自己和同伴的性命；男人坚持了自己的忠诚而牺牲了自己爱人的性 命。这是男人的宿命，也是女人的宿命：男人用权势征服女人，女人用美色征服男人；男人最爱的是自己的权势，有了权势也就有了安全感，女人最爱的是自己的情 爱，有了情爱却未必能有安全感；但对于女人来说，也只有情爱这原始的动力能成为自己的寄托了。。。匡玉铭与易先生的矛盾不光是国家大义的矛盾，也有情爱的 矛盾；老到的易先生比年轻幼稚的匡玉铭更懂得女人的需要，所以王佳芝爱上了易先生而没有爱上匡玉铭。

总印象：是个很精致的有深度的能激发讨论的艺术片，是李安以西方手法表现东方文化的又一成功案例。

回忆我的父亲

“父, 家长举教者。” 在甲骨文里，好像右手持棒，意思是手里举着棍棒教子女守规矩的人。古典文学作品里有对母亲的歌颂，却很少有对父亲的赞美。朱自清也只能在父亲的背影里心存感激。在儿子眼里，父亲多是固执无聊乏味令人生厌的角色，除了女儿们，没有人喜欢他们。中国的父权家庭尤其有魔力：人在年轻的时候，都是忍受不了父亲的约束而离家出走，等到自己也成家立业，有了孩子，就自然而然地变成了暴君； 从家庭到国家，莫不如此。父子关系也是在这种对抗的张力下发展，时而暴风骤雨，时而润物细无声……

我的父亲是个严厉的人, 从来都是居高临下地跟我说话的, 所以我从小就很怕他, 不知道怎么跟他接近, 这也影响我成年后的生活, 还是不太会跟人主动接近。 我母亲总是借一切机会叫我和他接近, 叫他吃饭, 跟他去单位之类, 但我从来都是战战兢兢, 很打怵…父亲跟我的话题从来都是学习功课之类的, 以至于后来我以作书呆子为自豪。 他唯一以我自豪的大概是我的记忆力. 我把家里书架上的历史书翻了几遍, 对于中国历史都是耳熟能详了； 所以外人来时, 他也会借机炫耀一番。 其他的事情, 我是很笨拙的, 他吩咐我帮忙我总是不能理解他的用意,以至经常让他大发雷霆。 或者是他的表达不清, 或者是我的理解迟钝, 或者两者均有。 有一次他的一个下属给他从北京打长途，要他记录一些东西, 他就顺势叫我做笔录。 我匆忙找来纸笔, 只听他断断续续地喊话, 似乎是对着电话, 我以为还没有开始, 但他突然问我记录下来了吗, 我说还没记。 他恼火地抢过笔又让对方重复了一遍….

我的父亲总是愁眉苦脸的, 很难见到他高兴, 我记得当时有个相声叫"老烦", 就觉着像他, 什么事情都烦, 不管大小. 所以我很难想起他温暖的一面, 因为那总是掩藏的很深的, 似乎不如此就不能体现他的威严。 直到我上大学以后,  父亲似乎和善些了。 还记得入学第一天, 他带我去沈阳最好的鹿鸣春饭店吃饺子的时刻,  他还跟邻桌的一位食客聊了半天,  鲜见他如此高兴过。 之后又到联营公司买洗脸盆, 他兴奋地说, " 我儿子考上医大了, 要买个质量好的, 可以用五年的。" 一个漂亮的女售货员帮我挑了个非常雅致的烫花脸盆。父亲少有地说了些奉承话, "看阿姨多会挑, 还不谢谢阿姨"…… 后来我出国了, 父亲老了, 病了,  话也更少了. 我每次回国时, 他都高兴得像个小孩, 我心里多是爱惜, 已经没了怨恨。 他去世两年前, 我最后一次陪他去浴室洗澡, 看着他枯瘦的身体, 我心里很是难受, 人生如此匆匆….十多年前, 我的爷爷奶奶去世时, 父亲还是精神矍铄, 如今却是风烛残年了….老弱, 死亡是如此之近！

我的父亲生于上世纪三十年代，少年时代赶上了乱世的尾，青年时代是热血的爱国青年，老年时是顽固的布尔什维克。他从华北农村走出来，家里还算殷实，把他送到京城去读书，希望他能有出息，光耀门庭。父亲兄妹7人，他排行老大，最终是家里唯一的知识分子，做了官的人，算是家族的楷模了。可是他似乎很少开心，在我的记忆里总是谨慎小心，不苟言笑，时常会因为工作的事生气，发脾气。王小波写过一篇杂文叫“沉默的大多数”，说中国人生活在集权的政体下，要做诚实的人，只好沉默，不是没话说，是不让说。父亲大概也算是这沉默的大多数里的一员，正直而清高，是明哲保身，也是无言对抗。不过父亲的不善言辞也是天生的，我们家族都有这个毛病。他在家里除了跟母亲话多外，很少跟我们交流，母亲戏称自己要做父子间的翻译。他总是端坐在那里，眼睛凝视着我，让我不知所措。很多时候我感觉他对我期望很高，却又总是打击我的积极性，这种矛盾的心理是父亲对儿子嫉妒的体现吗？ 父子的冲突是必然的，不管它是利比多的作用还是社会新陈代谢的作用，不过我们几乎没有真正对抗过，这就是东方式的妥协。中国人自十九世纪起开始接受西方文化，经过几代人后，传统的东西越来越少，西化的东西越来越多，尤其是近50年来的变化，更成为两代人之间的冲突的催化剂。我对父亲的态度也是如此，很喜欢西方的民主式家庭，很反感父亲的顽固——他永远是对的。

父亲写了一手好字，他的行书行云流水中有壁立千仞，别具风格。上中学时，我央他写了一幅诸葛亮的“戒子书”贴在墙上自励，后来搬家时丢失了，很是可惜。晚年时，他给我看他中学毕业照，上面有一行清秀的毛笔字题头，原来是他写的。想当年父亲也是个才子吧！ 父亲晚年多病，是在母亲的照料下度过余生的。听母亲讲，我在国外漂泊的日子里，父亲总是在盼着我的信，有时母亲给我的信刚寄出去，他就开始问我的信来了没有。可是他从来不给我写信，从来不问我什么，所有的感情和希望都埋在心里了。。。

在挪威的奥斯陆有一个雕塑公园，中心的图腾柱上满是人体的浮雕，围绕图腾柱有十二组人体雕塑，从初生的婴儿，少年，青年，壮年，到老年。每天太阳从东方升起，图腾的影子落在第一组/婴儿的雕像上，晚上夕阳西下，图腾柱的影子落在第十二组/老年人的雕塑上。那老年的神情凄凉，无奈，冷漠地等待着死神的敲门。。。